I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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