i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
