Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just had sex bonerless
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
