So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I did not marry a roomba.
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