so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
