we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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