I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
