Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
