NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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