I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
