my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
