go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
