Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
