We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
