I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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