I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
