I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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