IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
