"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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