I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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