I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
