Got a toothbrush?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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