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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
