i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
