Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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