i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
