it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
