There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
