Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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