Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
