dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
