Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
