I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
