forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
