life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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