I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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