dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
