How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
time to smoke my breakfast
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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