margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
