Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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