weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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