Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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