you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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