we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
