i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
