u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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