you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
