Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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