do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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