I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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