last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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