So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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