i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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