So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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