Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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