I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
