Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
