I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
