i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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