The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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