I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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