Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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