I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
