i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
