Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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