he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
