so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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