I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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