I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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