i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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